It is ironic to think that when my 15 year old sons friend arrived on my doorstep yesterday with tears in her eyes very worried about him that I felt an enormous rush of relief. Over the past year my typically hard working well adjusted, goal oriented high achieving son has disappeared and in his place left a very angry, disrespectful, uncaring, excuse filled young boy in his place.
The social media website Tumblr is a beehive of blogging and posting quotes and pictures that represent how a teenager is feeling at any given moment in time.
As my 3 kids have gotten older, I have monitored their social media sites such as Facebook less and less, never having found a single posting that would cause me alarm.
As my sons mood darkened and he became obviously depressed, I made the decision as a parent to violate his privacy and I went onto his Tumblr site, as he spends what seems like half the day on it, to investigate.
What I found horrified and frightened me. Every post, that scrolled down page after page after page was dark and brooding and overwhelmingly sad. He posted that he hated his life, he pondered whether anyone would miss him if he were gone, he stated that life was sh.., he was sh.., every single post was heartbreaking to read. Deciding I had little choice but to disclose my invasion of privacy I gently confronted him asking him if he felt depressed and overwhelmingly sad, had he had any thoughts of taking his ownCh life and he laughed at me. He got angry with me and he ultimately denied the whole thing. He was so convincing that my husband and other children told me I was blowing things out of proportion and he was just fine.
But a mother knows. And I knew, I had known for a long long time. I set up an appointment with a family counsellor and my husband and son and I went and talked with him for hours. The conclusion by the social worker was that my son displayed no signs of depression or anger, in fact, that he presented himself as much older and more mature than an average 15 year old boy. I was stuck.
Until yesterday afternoon, when his close friend arrived on my porch in tears very concerned about my son and his whereabouts. She said he had posted once again on Tumblr that he was coming home to kill himself, to walk in front of a bus. Thankfully, he was with his team at the gym working out.
We put her car in the garage and had her stay out of sight until he had come in through the door and I asked him to sit down. When I told him that his friend was here and was very worried about him he simply looked at me. I walked to him and took his face in my hands and said love, you are depressed, your friend is a true friend but you cannot deny this anymore. We need to get you help. He broke down and held tight to me for a very long time and finally he whispered, okay mom. I will get help. I was trying to do it alone but I can't.
I always thought the word "duck" would be the happiest word I would hear from his lips - his first word. But the immediate sense of pride with my boy having the courage and strength to admit to himself that he was depressed and needed help was overwhelming. A huge sense of relief flooded my body and he has told me it did his as well. Once it was out in the open he began opening up and finally letting me, his mom, back in. This morning he got up and went to school and carried on his bravery when he went straight to the counselling office and spoke with the therapist for an hour and a half. He is helping himself and we are all here to support him.
Teenage years are some of the most difficult in this journey of life. Mothers, follow your instinct with your children. A mother does know. And welcome your children's friends into your lives for I will forever be grateful to my friends son. She brought him back to us, and he back to himself. They are never too old as teenagers to occasionally monitor these social media sites. You can learn a lot and it isn't snooping. He will be mad at me for a long time for invading his privacy but this one has a happy ending. He is still here, he will be ok and our family will be okay because of it.
Be grateful for friends. You never know when you will need one, or your child will. Be grateful for moments of joy because life is hard there is no doubt about it but if you appreciate those moments that make you smile and your heart patter, you're succeeding.
Cheers to friends and cheers to teenage courage. I couldn't be more proud of my son. Be careful with the social media sites. They do deserve monitoring. And go with your instincts. It just might save a life today.
